i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
