Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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