i jhust puked up my retainher.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
