Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
