Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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