So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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