How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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