I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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