Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
