Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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