I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
