Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
