i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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