I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
