I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize