im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
