Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
