Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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