Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
