: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
