Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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