My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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