Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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