Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
