great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
