Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
