I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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