Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My dick has a subreddit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
