Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
