But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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