I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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