dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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