He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
