I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
