the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
