I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
