like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
