Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
