Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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