I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize