he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just high enough for therapy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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