it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
