Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
