xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
