she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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