He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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