I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize