I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
