Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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