she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
