Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
