How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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