Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
