Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
