You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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