We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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