the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Come see our sink grown plant.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
