I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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