Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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