What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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