I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
