My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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