Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
how drunk are you?
Several
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
